Dictionary For Dads

Responsibility is one of the most important tasks of growing up. Responsibility is learned by doing and  failing rather than by reading, wishing, lecturing or imagining. Children learn responsibility most effectively from their own mistakes and struggles when they experience the direct consequences of their behaviors. This ongoing process teaches them responsibility for their actions and prepares them for the real world with problem solving and decision making skills. Providing a supportive environment at home which promotes these skills is sometimes challenging but necessary if you want to raise responsible children.

This  may seem logical to some parents but many continue to over protect their teenagers/children from the consequences of their behavior; many times at the child's expense. The action of protecting a child from taking responsibility for their behavior is commonly referred to as enabling. When teenagers/children are constantly enabled they are deprived of developing responsibility for their behavior/lives.

For instance, if every time you fell someone put a pillow under your rear you would never take safety very serious because there is someone always there to prevent you from feeling the consequences of your risky behavior. Becoming responsible for your behavior is  is a key life skill and if this is not learned in the home your child  will  be unable or unsure of  how to act responsibly away from the protection and oversight of  home.

•  Chores:Many studies have shown that teenagers assigned weekly household chores are more organized, more responsible, do better in school, and feel more connected and valued in their families. Some parents my feel that chores interrupt study time, athletic activities or a busy social life but the fact is, time spent on chores has multiple benefits.

• Implementing Chores: List all the daily and weekly chores that are essential for the smooth running of the household (invite input from your teen), divide chores equally among the kids and post the chore list where everyone can see it. Set the guidelines stating that there will be no reminding, bribing, or threatening to complete chores in a timely manner, rather there will be logical consequences such as, if the garbage isn't taken out, there will be no food preparation, if the laundry isn't done, no clean clothes, and if the family room isn't picked up, the mess will be put in a trash bag and placed in a closet where they will stay until the chores begin to be carried out smoothly for a week. Each week, review the chore list so the less attractive chores are rotated and the family can determine how the system is working. For more information please see our page on Children and Chores
  

• Promote Personal Responsibility: Making children or teenagers personally responsible for what directly affects them is a powerful and immediate lesson in accountability. This includes, among other things, getting up on time for school, studying for tests, saving money for special purchases, and organizing athletic clothing and equipment. Many children/teenagers avoid personal responsibility because parents step in when kids are late for school, don't complete homework assignments, run out of spending money, or forget athletic gear. By experiencing logical consequences from the real world, such as detentions, poor grades or bench time, teenagers learn personal responsibility as they become accountable for their behavior and to other important figures in their lives such as parents, school and friends.

This article was partly submitted by Sheena Berg citing Parenting experts and best selling authors Jim Fay and Foster Cline in their practical parenting guide, “Parenting with Love and Logic”

1. Be their lawyer. No matter what they do, defend them. Be their advocate…right or wrong.
2. Be their banker. Finance all their wants. This will give them a sense of entitlement, which will last them for the rest of their lives.
3. Be their insurance company. Any time they make a mistake, you pay the price. They have the party…you have the hangover.
4. Be their agent. Cut the best deal for them. Use your personal contacts and influence to be sure that they rise to the top.
5. Be their mechanic. If anything in their life is broken, you fix it…even if they broke it themselves. That way they will never have to learn about “consequences.”
6. Be their administrative assistant. Every child needs a personal secretary. Be sure to let them delegate their responsibilities to you. Always do their homework for them…that way they can make the “Honor Roll.”
7. Be their butler. Learning how to manage servants will be important as they grow up and become successful. Let them start with you.
8. Be their apologist. Put your best “spin” forward. Make excuses for their bad behavior. Blame the teacher, the school, the community, the Republicans, the Democrats…anybody, but your child.
9. Be their emotional doormat. They have a bad day and you pay the price. They want respect from everyone, but refuse to give it to you.
10. Be their fairy godparent. Turn pumpkins into coaches. Wave your wand and make it happen. After all, making them “happy” is your primary function in life.
11. Fail to share your belief system with your child. They will have a system of belief. The question becomes who will teach it to them and what will it be. People act out of what they believe…in their hearts. The difference between Hitler and Mother Theresa was a matter of belief.