Dictionary For Dads

Today there is absolutely no battle ethics. Kids do not think twice about forming a group to punish, hurt and humiliate another child for no logical reason. Kids do not use their hands to fight anymore. Today children and teenagers are armed with gangs and weapons such as guns, knives, and razor blades. Furthermore, they video tape the whole thing and embed it on U tube for the victim to be humiliated by the whole world.

Parents need to protect their children and part of that is realizing your children live in a different reality than you did. Teenagers today are not simply having a scuffle at school, which was once a coming of age experience. Today bullying and violence in children and teenagers has reached new levels which in previous years was un-heard of. Today, we witness mass killings every year in colleges, universities and high schools across the country.

For example in years past, if a teenager or any age child had a fight in school, it was unethical for anything but a one on one battle using your hands. If anyone ganged up on, reached for a weapon, or used a blunt object to hit their opponent, it was considered cheating and more embarrassing than losing the scuffle. Also in those days, you were admired regardless of the outcome,  as long as you stood up for yourself and did not back down. Back then, you could show up to class the next day with a black eye, and some other student was sure to tell you; "at least you gave your opponent a good fight and you could hold your head up high. That is not the reality our children live in today. Therefore we need to realize the increased danger to our children and protect them from perpetrating or becoming a victim of violence in our communities.

Any school age child or teenager can become a victim of violence no matter the age, race, gender, religion or socioeconomic background of the child or teenager. However according to our research  at Dictionary For Dads certain school age children and teenagers are at a higher risk of being abused. Probable targets have certain characteristics such as: 

• Non Athletic
• Have a noticeable disability
• Are insecure or unassertive
• Appear physically Weaker than peers
• Are socially isolated or loners
• Have trouble concentrating in School
• Are restless or Hyper-Active
• Developmentally Delayed
• Have Emotional Outbursts
• Are quick tempered 

School violence and bullying is defined as repeated physical, verbal, sexual or psychological attacks.  

• Teasing
• Destroying child's property
• Stealing child's property
• Name-Calling
• Racial slurs
• Spreading rumors about a child
• Harassing telephone calls
• Threats made on email, blogs, websites or chat rooms
• Pulling off child's garments
• Sexual innuendos
• Touching in a sexual manner
• Physically hitting a child intentionally to cause harm

Logically as these school age children and teenagers have discovered new ways to abuse and humiliate each other there are more damage done to the victims of this violence.

It is not the days of old where you got a black eye or a fat lip one time throughout your childhood. Today guns are everywhere including your child's school. It is not only teenage violence six year old children are coming into schools with loaded guns in their book bags. In an extreme case the damage could be fatal

Do not fool yourself dad even if shots are not being fired the psychological aspect of these incidences of abuse and aggression can be crippling to your teenager or school age child.The fact that our grade school children and teenagers have to attend schools today knowing the risks and managing the fear can have its own consequences on your children. 

Your grade school child or teen can be getting abused regularly and you do not even have a clue. Children harbor shame and embarrassment and are reluctant to expose these humiliating experiences. This is especially true in households which are generally stressful to begin with. This is because the child or teen often feels there is no room for his problems due to the other problems in the home. Regardless the victims of these abusive acts can experience severe health, social, educational and psychological damage. These children tend to:

• Have lower self esteem
• Have higher rates of anxiety
• Higher rates of Depression
• Higher rates of Substance Abuse
• Higher rates of suicide
• Experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorders
• Have unexplained physical ailments
• Experience difficulty focusing on Academics
• Carry weapons
• Isolate or miss school due to fear 

As noted earlier many school age children and teenagers feel ashamed and are afraid of exposing these humiliating, aggressive and violent events so it is up to the Father to initiate the conversation. Your role as a father is to protect your child and we suggest that you have a talk with your children regardless if you believe they are a victim or not.

• Inquire about the dynamics of physical or psychological violence in school
• Get information about the active policy on violence at whatever schools your children attend. If there is not a policy you should take action
• Inquire about counseling for perpetrators of abuse or victims in place in the school
• Assist your child in developing self esteem and confidence. If you lack knowledge how to do that it is your job to find resources to learn how to do it.
• Enroll your child in extracurricular activities such as sports, music, drama
• Ask your child about their relationships at school and find out if they isolate
• Take all internet  threats seriously and report them to the school and police 
• Teach them to meet classmates who are supportive and will include them
• Teach child to report any incident to you as well as the guidance counselor and teacher
• Teach them to develop a buddy system while traveling to and from school
• Role play with your child to help them develop the skills if they experience any sort of situation which may be interpreted as harassment.
• Teach your child to not react often that is what these perpetrators are looking for