Dictionary For Dads

Spending Quality time with children is a difficult task for all parents especially  single parents and parents who travel for business often.
However, it is often said that you can tell what someone loves by what they give time to. Good parent-child relationships develop as a result of parents spending a lot of quality time with their children. Some parents tend to substitute their time in dollars which makes no sense. Some  substitute it by being very lenient and providing less rules and structure to the child. Good parent-child relationships cannot be developed with toys, leniency or money. Good parent-child relationships are built on a parent's commitment to spending quality time with their children. In short, parents can not purchase a relationship with their child. All children deserves a consistent amount of quality time with their parents and it is the parents responsibility to make that happen in their schedules.

When parents are strapped for time it is easy to substitute quality time with purchases or money for a child.  It temporarily makes the parent feel less guilt and temporarily makes the child happy about an external item or extended curfew but beware there is consequences to this behavior for the child as well as the parent. When parents substitute quality time with buying their children things  this contributes to developing a flawed parent-child relationship. A healthy parent-child relationship is developed and built on love, structure, attention, mentoring, bonding, common interest and communication.

Children who are raised in homes where parents over-compensate with money and/ or gifts inleu of time develop a flawed sense of entitlement to goods and services. These children become conditioned to this parent child relationship from a young age and do not want to spend time with their parent if that parent is not spending money on them. The incentive for the parent child relationship is rooted in money and gifts. Therefore, the child has little incentive to engage with the parents if the rewards are not provided. Many parents do not realize that they are developing this relationship and become confused when the child does not show an interest in spending time with them. This is most evident in the early teen years when the child gets his first sense of independence. 

Due to this established parent-child relationship pattern, the parents begin to to be very confused and sometimes offended. This often occurs when the parent has a change of schedule or for some other reason more down time to spend with their children. The parent/s soon feel they are being taken advantage of by their children. These parent/s feel that they are entitled to attention because they have spent so much money on their children. Sadly though, this is how some children have been trained to relate to their parents by no fault of their own. Furthermore, this is a result of the parents own parenting style and relationship building skills with their children.

An important indicator of quality time is actually quantity of time spent with children. Children, whose parents spend time with them as opposed to spending money on them, learn to value the relationship they share with the parent/s. These children learn to value the advice, direction, laughs, dinners, activities, vacations, companionship and sense of family rather than materialistic goods as the basis of their parent-child relationship.

The process of developing a good parent-child relationship starts when children are young and lasts a lifetime.

• Bath time and feeding time can be fun activities, as are peek-a-boo and making faces and playing flying spoon at feed time are fun for young children 
• Going for strolls, playing on the floor and looking at picture or sticker books can be entertaining.
• Walks to the playground, beach or visiting the library can form the basis of spending time together.
• Playing age appropriate activities, sports and going for bike rides together.
• Set a weekly date with each child and keep it, so you are ensured some alone time with them to reinforce your bonding and personal relationship.
• Read to or with them every day if possible. It’s great quality time, and one of the best things you can do to help them in life. Children who are avid readers do much better in academics.
• Talk to them every day after work. When you get home from work, instead of sitting down and watching TV, or finding some other way to relax talk with your children about their day and share about yours.
• Work on a goal together. There are many common goals that parents and children can work on together. These can include reading a series of books, finishing yard projects together or loosing weight and reducing television time.
• Play with your children. Do not be afraid to be a kid with them. Play video games, play board games, have pillow fights, build a fort with them or an old school go cart.  Remember to always play at their level, do not expect them to play at yours.
• Talk to them often and include them in family matters when appropriate. Show interest in their lives, relationships, education, sports, dreams, and listen to their anxieties and fears.
• Delegate one day per week as a family day. This is the one day a week that the family engages in activities together. This can be a time for each member to come up with creative ideas about activities that the family can do together. This day should not include media, television, Xbox. Play Station, or movies. This is time to visit historic areas, libraries, picnics, baseball games, ballet, etc..
• Just snuggle. Every now and then, just pull your child to you and hug them. Snuggle, be affectionate, squeeze them tight. That kind of physical intimacy is important — and the day will come when they don’t want to snuggle with you anymore. Take advantage of it now.
• Eat at least one meal a day together with your family. This provides an opportunity to stay connected and discuss how things are going in your child's life.