Dictionary For Dads

Judgmental mothers and fathers are parents who tend to be over critical, shaming and controlling of their children. Most judgmental mothers and fathers have high expectations for their children. Some Judgmental parents suffer from a delusion that holding back recognition or being over critical of their child will some how be positive for the child when he/she gets older. All children from families with judgmental parents go to great lengths to achieve their mother or father’s approval; but usually never do.

Judgmental mothers and fathers have many unique ways of communicating their toxic messages to their children. A judgmental parent could express verbal statements such as;”your an idiot now do it over"; "Everything you touch you ruin."; “I will do it myself because you will just make it worse"; "Every time I take this kid to the doctor he costs me a days pay". These are very blatant messages that are clearly shaming, demoralizing and demonstrate the lack of confidence the parent/s has in their child.  

Some Judgmental mother and fathers hide by not communicating their judgments verbally to their children. Do not be fooled by these judgmental parents, they are experts at getting their toxic messages across to their children without being as direct as the above example.

These judgmental mother and fathers use various forms of body language and behavior to communicate their judgments. In addition, they frequently ask questions which are loaded with innuendo. These subtle messages are often more damaging than out right verbal remarks. This is due to the child being shamed by the judgments; and confused by the messenger. 

Many judgmental mothers and fathers choose this mode of operation in order to escape the responsibility of their judgmental behavior. These judgmental parents rely on confusion to shield them if they are ever confronted on being judgmental.

This mode of operation which I refer to as being the "subtle judgmental parent" teaches children to not accept responsibility for their thoughts, emotions and behavior. It also teaches them poor communication and interpersonal skills. Furthermore, these subtle judgmental mother and fathers confuse their children with mixed messages and behavior which makes it difficult for the child to develop a sense of trust.

If you say what you mean and mean what you say but don’t ay it mean then children will understand and respect you more. Even if what you’re saying is sometimes wrong. 

Judgmental mothers and fathers persuade children to be something they are not in spite of the child's wishes. Children from these households usually develop a false sense of self. They experience high levels of fear and anxiety and are often operating in a defensive mode.

These children fear that the world will discover what they believe about themselves, which is that they are not good enough and have little to offer to the world. Their behavior is dictated by an inner desire to win approval from others regardless of their personal values or intuition.

Their desire to please and gain acceptance overrides any aspirations and personal goals they should have developed during natural maturation. This is a result of the child skipping the normal developmental stage of experimentation and self expression in childhood; in order to be what their parent/s wanted. Sometimes they march in order just to avoid the criticism.

Children who grow up in judgmental households become very intolerant or dominant in their adult interpersonal relationships.

All the decisions these children make sometimes throughout a lifetime are based on what will bring them the least amount of criticism and what will win them approval. They grow up afraid of being judged and afraid to think for themselves. Therefore they are performing instead of expressing and being true to themselves.

These adult children end up at 35 years old with degrees in subjects they have no interest in. They get into relationships and often marry women who they do not even love. This is because it pleases a mother or father and the new bride may be very passive and non judgmental. 

These children become great performers for others in the story of life. This creates more confusion and a lack of satisfaction with life itself. This is due to the fact that the child’s identity and happiness has always been dependent on the approval of others around them, not from within.

Many of the mothers and fathers Dictionary For Dads interviewed for this article experienced difficulty managing their children’s behavior without becoming judgmental or controlling. This is a fine line that develops with experience, education and self assessment. If you can not manage your own behavior how can you manage your child’s? 

We encourage all dads to always think before they react in any situation with children. Remember your children validate the world through you, so use your head and make good choices. Your children are depending on it. 

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