Dictionary For Dads

Controlling mothers and fathers can cause great emotional damage to their children by imposing excessive rules and limitations on them. All children have individual natural instincts which are unique to their identity and personality. This is what makes them who they are and if not destructive or dangerous they should not be controlled for. Childrens development and exercising of personality should be cherished and valued by parents. Many of these behaviors are instinctual and others are learned from watching their parents. 

Controlling parents sometimes invalidate a child's natural impulses by specifying too narrowly how a child should feel and behave. Children reared in this way tend to attempt to live up to their parent's high standards but eventually realize they can't.  As a result, they suffer from anxiety, anger, and mood swings, Children with controlling Mothers and Fathers are extremly critical of their own feelings, behaviors and desires. This leads to low self esteem and a feeling that they can never be good enough. Furthermore, they experience guilt for being who they are and shame because they can never measure up or meet their parents or their own expectations. This is largely due to the inability to exercise behaviors attitudes and self will in an over controlling home.

In these controlling households it is common for a judgmental parent to criticize their own child for engaging in traits or behaviors the child learned from his parents. This can be seen in a scenario where two kids are playing together and one of them wants to control the whole play experience. You have seen this a million times, and when one child does not get his way he becomes judgmental of his play partner and may even criticize him/her. When supervising this play time the controlling dad may say you can not do that! You must share and learn how to play together. Many parents will criticize and act dumbfounded on why their child acts that way. Sometimes Fathers and Mothers need to look no further than the mirror.

When fathers or mothers force children to be something they are not, the kids usually develops a false sense of self. These children also experience high levels of fear and anxiety. They tend to be very defensive when confronted. These children also fear that others may discover what they think about themselves;that they are confused and never feel competent. As a result, children from over controlling and judgmental homes exhibit behavior that is dictated by an inner desire to please or win others approval regardless of their own personal instincts, desires, goals or values. Children of controlling homes only want to gain acceptance from others. This desire to please over rides any aspirations and personal goals they should have developed during natural maturation in their home.

Over controlling parents prevent their children from experiencing the normal phases of development which include experimentation and self expression. These children comply with their parents in order to be what their parents require or to avoid being criticized. These children usually become very intolerant or dominant of others in their own relationships in life. They tend to repeat their parents example in their own parental roles. Many people come from similar families and we encourage you to address these issues before you re-create them as a parent.