Dictionary For Dads

Birth to age Two:
Infants and toddlers frequently get frustrated because there's a large gap between the things they want to do and what they are actually able to do. Kids often respond to those dilemmas with behaviors such as crying, pouting or temper tantrums. I am sure those of you who have children know what I am talking about. I believe all dads agree the feeling of being helplessness comes over us all. Remember

Crying:                                                                                             Children can not talk therefore crying often is there way of communicating a call for affection, food or a trusty diaper change from daddy. Remember when we get board we can read a book or go to the gym toddlers have yet to develop these Daddy coping skills yet and rely on us to do it for them. Be patient and remember how important you are as a Daddy to your child.

Ages Three to Five:

At this stage of the game you may want to continue to use time-outs. Instead of assigning a specific time limit, it's a good idea to end time-outs as soon as your child has calmed down. This is an effective way to encourage your child to improve his or her sense of self-control. It's also a good idea to praise your child for not losing control in situations that are frustrating or difficult. It also teaches your child the important lesson of acceptance that he can’t always get what he/she wants.

Ages Six to Nine:

As your child enters school, he or she will likely be able to understand the idea of consequences and that he or she can choose good or bad behavior. It may help your child to imagine a stop sign that he or she needs to obey and think about a situation before responding. You may want to encourage your child to walk away from a frustrating situation for a few minutes to cool off instead of having an outburst.

Ages Ten to Twelve:

Older children are typically able to understand their feelings. This is a great asset since thoughts and feelings often dictate behavior. Encourage your child to think about the situation that is causing him or her to feel (angry, sad, jealous, afraid, hurt etc.) and then discuss it with them.Then teach your child to take some time to think before reacting to the feeling. Provide positive reinforcement for expressing him/herself and having the courage to evaluate his/her feelings and thoughts. It is much easier to react to a situation and any child who does the opposite should be re-enforced.

Ages Thirteen to Eighteen:

At this point, your child should be able to control most of his or her behaviors. But you may need to remind your adolescent to think about consequences of his or her behavior. Continue to urge you’re teen to take time to evaluate situations before reacting to them. Also teach your child to talk through troubling situations rather than losing control, slamming doors, or yelling. At this point you may need to discipline your child by taking away certain privileges to reinforce the message that self-control is an important skill.

Stay Calm:

Try to never get carried away when your child misbehaves. Avoid yelling or screaming, since this will teach your child that it is all right to lose control if  they don't get their way.

Daddy Time Out:

If you feel like things are escalating too much, then take a break until you can regain your composure. This is a very useful tool when dealing with frustration and anger

Breathe Deep:

Another useful exercise in managing frustration is taking a few deep breaths. Try and listen to your breath as it fills up your lungs as you breathe in and out slowly.

Avoid Criticism:

Do not shame your child. Make sure your child understands that it is the behavior that you disapprove of not him/her. The message you want them to get is the behavior is bad but they are good. Being judgmental of the behavior is one thing but be careful not do disapprove of your child.

Avoid Over Praising:

You don't need to be continuously be praising your child, especially for routine activities, and tasks that are every day expected of them. Like going to school, and doing assigned chores and responsibilities. If you are trying to mold new behavior then verbal praise and reinforcement are key.

Keep a Positive Focus:

Don't focus on negatives all of the time, especially when offering positive reinforcement. It is much better to say ‘I like that you put all of your books away,' instead of saying ‘I like that, for once, you finally got around to putting books away without my asking.' Keep your communication with your child positive.

Physical Punishment:

It is very likely that you were spanked as a child but at all costs avoid physical punishment. Research has never been shown that physical punishment is more effective than other forms of punishment. Physical punishment is now considered abuse and it will make your child more aggressive and angry. It is also against the law in many states.

Providing Positive Reinforcement:

This could be in a physical sense or a verbal sense. Keep in mind a reward is something your child receives after he has done accomplished something.  Do not get into the habit of bribing your children this is a mistake many parents make and the child grows up feeling entitled to get something for doing what he/she should be doing as a responsible member of the family.

More Avoid Bribing:

You should never bribe your children to do anything. If your child is un-motivated you should talk with them and assist them in finding passion inside of them. If they do not want to do something a bribe is a band aid which will come back to haunt both you and the child.

Be a Good Role Model:

Your children are always watching and will replicate what you do regardless of what you say. Therefore forget the line "do as I say not as I do"  it's a losing proposition. Many parents find that they must also change some of their behavior in order to properly model and raise their children.

Provide a Good Home:

Most importantly, provide your child with a safe and nurturing environment in which he/she feels safe and loved.Communication is key when nuturing a child within a family system.

If your child frequently loses control and is continually argumentative, antisocial, or impulsive or if tantrums last for more than 10 minutes on a regular basis, you want to talk to your child's doctor.

School-Age Children Warning Signs 

• Restlessness
• Impulsiveness
• Defiance
• Difficulty in concentrating
• Low self-esteem
• Declining performance in school

We hope this information is helpful. Remember never use this website to substitute for any kind of professional help as stated in the Dictionary for Dads website disclaimer

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